February 2012
2 posts
SMDH
s2k: bitch today I sound like Louis Armstrong
Me: I see treeees of green
Me: red roses too
Me: WHERE THE HELL AM I
s2k: hahaha
Me: btw don't come to HK till like, May
Me: or I'm gonna be all 'here's the damn couch, shut the fuck up I'M WORKING.'
s2k: niggarette I'm gonna be busy too
s2k: at least for the 1st quarter
Me: wait wait wait you do NOT get to call me niggerette
Me: I gotta be street AND not get street cred?
s2k: I said niggarette, not niggerette
s2k: that just sounds racist
s2k: racist!
January 2012
6 posts
A: Hey. What's up with your face?
B: What's up with YOUR face.
A: That's mean. My mother told me I was an above-average-looking 6-year-old.
B: I want proof.
A: I want you to DIE.
B: I WILL EVENTUALLY.
Arrrrrrgh!
How can a supposedly medically intellectually sound person walk into a store to buy a plunger, a letter holder and an ironing board — 3 of the easiest household items ever invented which everyone else on the planet certainly manages to purchase without incident — and somehow buy ALL THE WRONG ONES.
3 tags
For prosperity.
Elaine: oooh giant dragon in our lobby s2k: Sex pun? Elaine: no Elaine: literally. dragon. lobby. s2k: Ooo Elaine: if it’s a sex pun Elaine: it sounds painful
3 tags
2011 Recap
LOTS of firsts were achieved in 2011:
First foreign working visa
First time surviving completely independently
First credit card
First smartphone
First visit to Macau (2 visits to date)
First time on the China MTR
First try at dragon boating; First dragon-boat tournament
First time attending the Sevens
First costume party (5 to date)
First lease, and first time buying my own furniture...
1 tag
I swear to god, someone was just telling me how they met a self-proclaimed sex addict, and when they asked him how he arrived at that diagnosis, he explained that it was because he had sex on average once a month, but was desperate to have it more often.
December 2011
10 posts
Resolutions!
Lose the Christmas weight (total damage: 2 kgs)
Pick. Up. The Guitar. Again. (Every damn year!)
Learn to cook with tofu.
Travel somewhere other than Malaysia, Singapore and any part of China.
Stay mostly sober at the Sevens.
Hit a top 10 spot in the 2012 Stanley Dragon Boat tourny!
Save.
Be a little more assertive and yet a little less headstrong.
Buy less than 3 new pairs of shoes for...
And a to-NOT-do-list:
Malaysian food that seems to be well-loved by every Malaysian but myself:
Otak-otak
Laksa
Curry Laksa
Cendol
Ais kacang
Teh tarik
Teh halia
Anything with condensed milk in it
Anything that involves cooking durian
Fish balls (these are in abundance in HK anyway, but I still absolutely abhor them)
Dodol
Dried seafood snacks
Malay kuih lapis (love the pink goo, hate the sponge cake)
...
2 tags
Christmas & New Year's at home: To-Do List
Chicken rice
Chili pan mee
Kolo mee
Char kway teow
Thin-crust junk food pizza
Banana leaf rice
Aunt Wendy’s fanfreakintastic popiah
Nasi lemak (mandatory egg, curry chicken & extra peanuts)
Duriannnnnn
Pisang goreng
Pappa Cham + Curry chicken noodles + board games
‘Kon loh’ wantan noodles
Mom’s honey-grilled chicken
Proper, juicy, wonderful pork burgers...
T: Why. Is your hair. ALL OVER the place.
Me: If I knew I'd have put a stop to it 10 years ago.
T: You know that time you dropped by my flat for like 1 day, and the moment you left I was like fucking hell there is a lot of hair on the floor! It's long hair, so it's gotta be yours.
Me: I shed. You know, like snakes do.
T: You're gonna be as bald as I am soon.
Me: You're not bald. You just shave your head.
T: Then you're gonna be balder.
Me: This has been happening for 10 years now, and my hair's still pretty thick.
T: It'll catch up. Just you wait.
Me: Baldness doesn't creep up on you over the course of a decade. It hits you and 2 years later, boom! -- you're bald. Like it happened to all the ACTUAL bald people we know and love.
T: Bald bald bald. You'll be bald. Baldie baldie bald.
November 2011
8 posts
Things I don't miss about Causeway Bay
Hearing the intersection outside my window at all hours of the night. Even with earplugs on (I’ve tried 2 different brands).
Having to encounter at least 2 traffic lights and about 12,000 pedestrians just to pop into Wellcome.
Having to make personal visits to Central to pay my rent, and even then without the guarantee they won’t lose my receipt and/or contract, plus raise my rent...
2 tags
Bed Bug.
“My room is ready! My room is ready!”
T lets out a sigh. He knows I’ve been working tirelessly on the house, up early and at it till late in the night, cleaning and shopping and rearranging things. Testing appliances. Creating checklists. And, having picked the ‘nice but small’ over ‘big but blech’ arrangement for my budget, optimizing every nook and cranny for storage & efficiency. Probably...
2 tags
The Big Move Pt. 3
I think the best part was spending an entire Saturday, slightly hung over from a till-dawn farewell party the night before, packing all my possessions into a growing pile of luggage, boxes, bags and more boxes. I slept surrounded by a forest of packages, and slept incredibly well.
The next morning I take a shopping list to IKEA and order my wardrobe, desk, bed, mattress and a shoe cabinet. Then I...
1 tag
The Big Move Pt. 2
I started by hitting up every online listing I could find which seemed legitimate. I even sent out requests to other home-searchers with the same budget if they’d like to team up and share a flat.
A week later I was legging it to meet my potential new flatmate, a young ballet dancer, and an agent she recommended. Total strangers, of course, but I was pressed for time and we’d been browsing each...
1 tag
The Big Move Pt. 1
Just under a week ago, I was staying in the heart of Causeway Bay. My first home as a newbie in a strange new country, I opted for one of those all-inclusive setups, where my rent covered the use of a room with basic furniture, ready Internet connection, cleaning service for the bathroom and kitchen, and water and electricity bills.
Other than the pure cacophony and density that is Causeway Bay,...
If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is.
“Hey Elaine, do you know what planking is?”
“Yes.”
“Would you be willing to demonstrate it to ****?”
“Sure.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, why not?”
“Oh my god everyone come look Elaine’s gonna show us planking!”
A few people gather around, looking utterly beside themselves with excitement. Me, propagator of the...
1 tag
October 2011
11 posts
A: I bet you're ignoring me because the food has arrived
A: and you're putting your blackberry down to dig into some EFFING MCAWESOMEVILLE CHILLI PAN MEE
B: Yup
B: it's what I imagine sex is like
A: because it brings tears to your eyes and voids your bowels?
Example of a healthy straight boy/girl platonic...
A: you didn't have sex?
B: sort of
B: we did stuff
B: ...everything but, uh, insertion
A: ahahahaha
A: A SEXUAL ORGAN WITHIN ANOTHER SEXUAL ORGAN
A: INSERTION
A: would it be terribly crass of me to tumblr that insertion joke
B: yes
Best free app ever!
Me: Lets test this stupid tarot app I got by asking it if I will marry Richard Kahui.
Jenny: OMG
Jenny: haha
Jenny: yes go ahead!
Me: …it says he is a very strong and confident partner and we will have a deep and passionate love fueled by our shared zest for life…
Me: possibly a golden anniversary
Me: Cheers, I’m off to New Zealand
1 tag
1 tag
Nei gong meh ar?
I’ve come up with a trick to be really zen in a foreign country that’s highly tolerant of foreigners.
Every time someone gets on my nerves, I just switch to a language they struggle with and continue our conversation. Oddly enough, they will feel flustered that they don’t speak the new language rather than offended that I’m not trying to use their own. This causes them to...
2 tags
Bad candy. Bad, bad candy.
Recently I’ve been getting a lot of free chocolate from people. As I’ve been slowly weaning myself off sugar, I’d sneak just a few nibbles each day, unwittingly making them last forever, so there’s a tupperware in my bookshelf filled to the brim with candy bars.
Eventually I was receiving candy faster than I could eat it. And so decided to give in a little and have more...
1 tag
5 tags
September 2011
10 posts
1 tag
What happens when you give girls white collar jobs
A: some of my guy colleagues offered to show me around ** when I visit.
A: and there are loads of minefields to navigate like getting coffee together, or when they invite me to get some drinks at the bar
A: Do you think they'll try to get into my pants?
B: Probably. 99% of men who make me the same offer are trying to get into mine.
A: Damn. But I hate doing anything alone. And I'm going alone.
B: Just ask one of the girls to show you around.
A: ...There are no girls.
B: What.
B: WHAT.
B: Okay new plan NEW PLAN.
B: You hold off this trip until I've saved up enough $$$
B: And then you take me with you!
A: Hahaha
A: But my trip's booked... Dammit I'm going alone!
B: Yes but
B: I would TOTALLY take you out for coffee, and drink and talk with you at the bar till late, and spend loads and loads of time showing you around... But NEVER try to have sex with you.
B: Clearly, I am the superior choice of ** travel mate.
A: Or er...
A: I go, and do my research and compile a due diligence report
A: To ensure your future trip to ** is as smooth and productive as possible
A: Is sleeping around really so gratifying that people would go through all these risks to do it?
B: Some people have self destructive urges.
B: Some people have sex urges.
B: Sex urges make more sense.
Uniquely Singapore!
s2k: I'm planning to go to Singapore
Me: what for
s2k: See the sights
s2k: Make fun of the locals for drinking reprocessed pee
s2k: Bang a hooker in geylang
s2k: Slap steven lim
s2k: The usual
Me: that's pretty cute
s2k: don't say cute damn it
Me: shit sorry forgot
s2k: friends for almost 9 years
s2k: 9 YEARS!!!
Me: it's a VERY COMMON WORD
Me: you have a VERY WEIRD PHOBIA
s2k: 9 YEARS!!!!!
Me: WEIRD ASS PHOBIA
Me: as in, your phobia is weird-ass
Me: not that you have an ass phobia which is weird
Me: although, if you did, that really would be weird
s2k: god i love ass
s2k: *dreams
3 tags
6 tags
1 tag
So I was asked to come up with the Chinese name...
Sean: so what was the name of the restaurant?
Me: the English name was La Marina
Me: I came up with a chinese name that meant nothing close to 'marina' because I wanted it to be close phonetically, but romantic + poetic as favoured by the chinese educated masses
Me: (it's a high-end restaurant too)
Me: My suggestion was 玛鹂 ma(3) li(2)
Me: ma = marble
Me: li = oriole
Me: the oriole is native to both China and Spain, so I figured it fits.
Sean: I see
Sean: niceeee
Me: Thanks! I was pretty nervous because i didn't have time to consult my parents
Me: I always always cross-check with Mom on the more important chinese work
Me: but both mom and dad thought it was great
Me: dad said the oriole is the name of the empress's restaurant in tiananmen
Me: the full name of which is 听鹂馆 (gazebo for listening to the oriole songs)
Sean: wow
Sean: so deep
Sean: haha
Sean: I would have just said
Sean: let's name the restaurant
Sean: le peking duck
Me: oh i would totally go to that restaurant
Me: I would HIT that UP
It's whole wheat, though.
A: What are you having for breakfast?
B: I don't know. Depends on what groceries I have left over.
A: Oh you're going to just wing it? Use up all your leftovers, that sort of thing? That's so domesticated! I've never tried it myself. I don't think I would know what to do with my leftovers. So resourceful! And fun! I want to see how you wing it! Oh this is so cool. You're SO domesticated. You always have really exciting breakfasts. That's your thing. Okay so what groceries do you have left over?
B: Bread, peanut butter, and strawberry jam.
Not that it would directly come in handy for the...
Me: So you don’t fix lights?
T: No.
Me: What!
T: I’m not an electrician!
Me: But you have a PENIS!
August 2011
14 posts
Pick-me-up of the day: ‘Daft Punk Is Playing...