Recently I’ve been getting a lot of free chocolate from people. As I’ve been slowly weaning myself off sugar, I’d sneak just a few nibbles each day, unwittingly making them last forever, so there’s a tupperware in my bookshelf filled to the brim with candy bars.

Eventually I was receiving candy faster than I could eat it. And so decided to give in a little and have more than a few nibbles. I went from sneaking 2 squares to 4, then 6… then realized a pattern.

At 8pm every day, I contemplate working out. This turns out 1 of 2 ways:

If I skip on the chocolate, I turn on my workout app and do at least 30 minutes of high-impact aerobics.

If I decide to have chocolate first, I tend to curl up in bed with some reading material afterward, then Jenny will WhatsApp me at 10pm, and I eventually fall asleep with one hand wrapped around a thriller novel and the other hand gripping my iPhone.

I think the chocolate has mind-control powers. This is how it starts, folks.

This is how it starts.