“Hey Elaine, do you know what planking is?”

“Yes.”

“Would you be willing to demonstrate it to ****?”

“Sure.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, why not?”

“Oh my god everyone come look Elaine’s gonna show us planking!”

A few people gather around, looking utterly beside themselves with excitement. Me, propagator of the earphones-only policy (keep your music private!), strict adherer to the grayscale wardrobe, too cool to shuffle to LMFAO even after 2 tumblers of vodka, and sporadic exclaimer of “Flats are for quitters!” — demonstrate planking?

I raise my palm in front of my chest, and lay it flat in the air.

“Imagine that’s basically your whole body. Lying still.”

I tilt my flat palm to one side, and put a fist under the raised side.

“If there was an object or something, you would lie on it with your body still… basically looking like… you know, like a plank.”

Everyone is silent.

“I’m pretty sure you got that.”

Job well DONE.